In our romantic relationships, many of us crave knowing our partners more deeply. We may push and prod them, trying to get them to let us in on how they’re feeling inside. And, of course, all that pushing often results in a door shut more tightly than ever. It feels like such a paradox: I can’t find out without asking, and asking makes me less likely to find out. What do I do now??
We don’t like being misunderstood. Actually, that’s putting it much too mildly. To be misunderstood by our partner is a threat. It is dangerous, because our partner is often the most important witness to who we are.
Making rituals in your lives is one of the lowest effort, highest reward ways to improve intimacy in your relationship. It takes seconds to connect with your partner.
Even when we know it’s damaging, even when we don’t want to do it, it happens constantly. If something is that prevalent and that difficult to avoid, that always makes me curious… what is it doing for us? Why is it so hard to stop? Is it possible that blaming is, in some way, trying to help us?